Season 7 Episode 07: The Dragon and the Wolf

• September 3rd, 2017

Almost all the major players converge on the dragon pit to negotiate an armistice. The hound opens up the wight's crate, who is shy at first, then lunges for Cersei's face.  Euron pretends to bow out, and Cersei says she'll agree to help defeat the Night King if Jon promises to keep the North out of the eventual war for the Iron Throne.  Jon cannot tell a lie and says he's already bent the knee to Daenerys.  Cersei says fuck you then and storms off.  Tyrion risks his life by visiting Cersei on his own, and sensing she is pregnant, believes this will compel her to save the realm for her child's future.  They return the the Dragon Pit and she seems to agree to the armistice.  But she soon tells Jaime that was bullshit.  Jamie walks out on her and rides North on his own to join the good guys.  Theon manages to rally some fickle Iron Islanders into mounting a rescue of Yara.  At Winterfell Sansa and Arya reveal all the brewing tension between them was part of a trap for Littlefinger.  The trap is sprung, Sansa throws all his bullshit back in his face and Arya slices his throat with his Valyrian steel dagger.  He dies grovelling in front of all the gathered lords and knights.  Sam arrives at Winterfell, compares notes with Bran and they realize Jon Snow is actually Aegon Targaryen, the rightful heir to the Iron Throne.  This plays out in a montage of Jon and Dany getting it on.  At Eastwatch the Night King breaches the wall with super dragon-wight breath, allowing the Army of the Dead to march south.

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Season 7 Episode 06: Beyond the Wall

• August 22nd, 2017

Arya reminisces about her dad, then confronts Sansa about the letter she found. Sansa rifles through Arya's stuff and finds faces. Tyrion tells Daenerys to play it cool with Cersei. The ranging party gets their asses kicked by the undead beyond the wall. Gendry runs all the way back to Eastwatch, has them send a raven to Daenerys, who mounts a rescue, dragon-style. After they torch plenty of undead the Night King casually throws an ice spear and slays a dragon. Daenerys gets away with everyone but Thoros, who froze overnight, a few randos, and Jon, who goes for a swim first and then rides back on Benjen's horse.  Later Jon and Daenerys share a tender moment. Then the Night King resurrects himself a frost dragon.

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Season 7 Episode 05: Eastwatch

• August 15th, 2017

Jaime and Bronn resurface from the abyss safely out of sight of their enemies and return to King's Landing. Daenerys disregards Tyrion's counsel and toasts some Tarlys. Jon pets Drogon under Dany's admiring gaze.  Jorah shows up and gets a hug from his Khaleesi. Bran wargs into a murder of crows and sees the Night King's horde on the march.  Ravens are dispatched.  Davos smuggles Tyrion into King's Landing, where he meets with Jaime and offers an armistice. Jaime passes this on to Cersei, who surprisingly accepts and tells Jaime she's got a bun in the oven. Davos collects Gendry, who is eager to rejoin the show already in progress. They return with Tyrion to Dragonstone. Sam gets fed up with the inaction of the maesters even after receiving Bran's Raven, so he raids the restricted section one last time and leaves with Gilly and son. At Winterfell, Arya is keeping a close eye on Littlefinger, but he gets wise and leads her to an incriminating note from a much younger Sansa.  Jon assembles the Magnificent Seven and they all go a-ranging to capture a wight, presumably to convince Cersei to play nice.

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Season 7 Episode 04: The Spoils of War

• August 9th, 2017

Arya returns to Winterfell, where she is told by the guards to fuck off, but eventually is reunited with Sansa in the crypt.  Later she spars with Brienne, revealing her badassitude. Bran says see ya to Meera.  Littlefinger gifts the Valyrian steel dagger to Bran, who seems unimpressed, but later imparts it to Arya, seeming to be aware the course of events this has set in motion. The emissary from the Iron Bank reminds Cersei bitch better have my money, while Jamie and Bronn escort the loot train from Highgarden. Jon invites Daenerys to the dragonglass mine, where ancient cave paintings conveniently depict the First Men and the Children of the Forest joining forces against the white walkers.  Daenerys soon learns that capturing Casterly Rock gained them nothing and the Unsullied are stranded for the time being. Daenerys is pissed and says it's Dragon time, but Jon cautions her against proving herself to be as bad as the Westerosi rulers she purports to replace.  She goes ahead and unleashes the Dothraki horde on Jamie's forces, and opens up a serious can of whoopass, what with the Dragonbreath and the incenerating and slaughtering. Bronn wounds Drogon with a shot from the scorpion.  Jamie takes a chance to charge Daenerys with a lance while she's tending to Drogon, but almost takes a point-blank blast from Drogon. At the last moment Bronn tackles him into the river, and both begin to sink in their armor.

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Season 7 Episode 03: The Queen’s Justice

• August 5th, 2017

Jon arrives at Dragonstone, where he comes face-to-face with Daenerys.  She wants him to bend the knee.  Jon asks for help to fight the Night King and the Army of the Dead.  Daenerys is baffled.  Melisandre skips town, but says "I'll be back".  Bran arrives at Winterfell and creeps Sansa the fuck out.  Euron delivers his prize to Cersei, who indicates they can marry once they win the war.  Cersei gives Tyene a poisok Kiss and condemns Ellaria to watch her die. Jorah demonstrates his remarkable recovery from his grayscalectomy. The Archmaester gives Sam a pile of busy work as his reward.  Grey Worm and the Unsullied capture a barely-defended Casterly Rock, while Euron sinks their fleet. Jaime captures Highgarden with the bulk of the Lannister forces and Randyl Tarly's men. Jamie allows Olenna to die painlessly from poison, but she gets the last word.

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Season 7 Episode 02: Stormborn

• July 28th, 2017

Daenerys sends the sea snakes on Yara's fleet to gather the forces of Dorne, sends the Unsullied to attack Casterly Rock and plans a siege of King's Landing. She has a heart-to-heart with Varys, warning him to be more honest and loyal than he has proved to past Kings.  Melisandre shows up to pitch her flexible prophecy. Grey Worm and Missandei share a touching, and naked, farewell. Cersei tries to woo the bannermen of Highgarden to her side to repel the foreign invaders. Qyburn invents the ballista. Arya visits Hot Pie and discovers that Jon is King in the North. Jon leaves for Dragonstone in hopes of getting Daenerys's support against the White Walkers, and access to the Dragonglass mine.  He leaves Sansa in charge after punching Littlefinger in the dick. Sam performs a gross and painful grayscalectomy on Jorah.  Brutal pirate action on the high seas when Euron's fleet attacks Yara's, and we're treated to a thrilling sequence that wipes several more players off the board.

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Season 7 Episode 01: Dragonstone

• July 20th, 2017

Seven be praised, Game Of Thrones is back and so are we!  The new season kicks off with a killer cold open featuring Arya, followed by a lot of table setting.  We get a good look at where are the surviving major characters are and what their motivations are.  Jon, Sansa, Littlefinger, Tormund, Brienne and Pod at Castle Black.  Oh yeah, and Bran and Meera arrive there as well.  Bran's reunion with his siblings didn't make the cut this week, but surely we'll see that next time.  Cersei and Jamie have an uneasy discussion in the Queen's new map/courtyard, then enjoy an audience with Euron Greyjoy.  Sam spends an eternity cleaning chamber pots and sloshing stew for the maesters in Old Town, but finally sneaks a look at the restricted section. The episode closes out with Daenerys and her armada arriving at Dragonstone, on Westerosi soil at last.  Shall we begin?

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Season 6 Episode 10: The Winds of Winter

• July 1st, 2016

The season ends with a bang as the High Sept of Baelor gets blown up wildfire style.  Cersei takes the Iron Throne after wiping out all her enemies.  Tommen goes emo and takes a plunge.  Dany dumps Daario, makes Tyrion Hand of the Queen, and departs with her fleet.  Arya shows off her faceless girl skills and wipes Walder Frey off her list.  Varys pops up to recruit Dorne and Highgarden to Dany's cause.  The North is moved by Lady Mormont to name Jon the King in the North.  Littlefinger sulks.  Bran has a vision confirming Jon's true parentage.

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Season 6 Episode 09: Battle of the Bastards

• June 22nd, 2016

Epic.  Jon leads his coalition of loyal troops to face off against the Boltons in a last ditch effort to reclaim Winterfell, and just about everybody dies in the ensuing battle.  Too bad Rickon never learned to serpentine.  Littlefinger's Army of the Vale swoops in at the last possible second to save the lives of Jon and Tormund.  Wun Wun is felled by arrows after smashing open Winterfell's gate.  Ramsay comes to regret starving his hounds.  Oh and Dany and her dragons get the best of the Masters of Slaver's Bay.  They are careful to not burn all the boats.  Then Yara and Theon pop up to make a deal.

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Season 6 Episode 08: No One

• June 15th, 2016

Arya graduates early from Faceless Man U.  The Hound joins the Brotherhood without Banners.  Jaime achieves a bloodless coup at Riverrun.  Brienne fails in her mission to recruit the Blackfish, but gets to keep Oathkeeper as a consolation prize.  Bronn plays grab-ass with Pod.  Tommen takes trial by combat off the table.  Qyburn and Cersei have a lead on a useful rumor.

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